This post is going to be very real, emotional and honest. I have endured some of the hardest months of my entire life, but also have had some of the BEST. I launched my own brand, I am currently working with brands I LOVE and working in a career that I ABSOLUTELY love. I also have been extremely unhealthy, emotional and visited more doctors with names I cannot even remember. I have not been on an audition or sung since Christmas. There have been so many amazing highlights, but also living with so many unknowns, fears and struggles. On social media we only see a small percentage of someone’s life. We rarely get the opportunity to see the WHOLE picture. I am not here to ask for pity, but rather here to inspire, share light and positivity; that even in the darkest of days we can achieve great things.
Where I’ve Been?
I have received more DMs than I thought, asking where Ive been? Why I am not in NYC everyday? Why they don’t see me performing or auditioning anymore? Unfortunately due to the circumstances of my health, it was very important that I took a break to focus on healing, getting well so that I may continue to perform. I need to get to the root of what has been causing my illnesses and what I need to do to feel 100% myself again. There have been so many disappointments and frustrating days where I wanted to give up. Days I felt that I wasn’t enough, that I couldn’t do my try-on hauls. But, You know what? That is a SILLY way to think. I decided to re-center myself, stop focussing on the what-ifs and live in the present. I decided to fully let go and give my life to god. To allow God to guide me, hold my hand and lead me where I belong. Once I realized that, I was able to find happiness and joys in the small things. I started to have faith and I started to find ways to cope with my illness. I also realized that God has me exactly where I need to be. If I was not home sick and I was away traveling doing a show; who knows if I would have had the time to start my line? For that, I am grateful.
There are many things that have been helping me to cope with my struggles such as Himalayan Salt Caves, cryotherapy, Reiki, board games and puzzles (lot’s of them), CBD oil (huge advocate of this), Vitamin D and B12, my family, Taylor, friends, my blog, my line, and most importantly Jesus. I recently joined a new church (Genesis LI) and I LOVE it. I feel at home, I have found a community that supports me, is there for me and has welcomed me with open arms. These things worked for me and they are not for everyone. I can only hope that if you are struggling you can find things that help you cope with whatever you are dealing with.
Wow….that is all I can say. I woke up one day from a dream of my Grandma speaking to me. She said, “Floral and scrunchies” in the dream. I remember calling my mom screaming, “Scrunchies! That’s what I am going to do! Scrunchies!” I felt that it was a sign from above and what I needed to do. I was so sick and pushed myself to make it happen. I stayed up for days designing, creating, contacting the right people to help me make my vision come to life. Last week, I achieved one of my lifelong goals and dreams. With the major help of my mom, Taylor, Melissa and Ciara; this was possible. It happened! I launched SHOPYDS ! We sold out of a pattern in just 7 hours. It was so cool and it made me feel so grateful and blessed for the opportunity. God has opened a door I PRAYED for. It was exactly what I needed in my life. And he knew that.
Where am I going?
I am continuing on the path of healing, attending doctor visits, creating, blogging, working and most importantly living. It truly is SO important to think mind over body. The more I tell myself I can, I actually can. It may not be easy, and it may be SO hard, but in the end I will look back and be stronger because of what I went through. This has all made me so appreciative of even the small things. I will NEVER take anything for granted and I want to live life not in fear, but in gratitude, excitement and adventure. I hope this inspires you to continue on your path and to not give up. I know I will be back up on that stage singing, sharing my light and dancing until I drop. Until then, I will continue to live.